date. 2008-08-28 21:15 subject. ... help? security. Public

Anyone want to beta a Bellatrix-centric genfic of ~1,100 words, which is my femgenficathon submission? It has some disturbing imagery combining small children and death (...what? This is my second Bella genfic with such a warning, you say? You sense a theme? No, no. How can you. There is none, I tell you. *g*), that's pretty much about it. Oh, and also, canon character death.

I'd be happy to return the favour, since I love beta work and am very nit-picky about it.

( RL - work and the cousin )

See you on the other side of these three days of hell!

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date. 2008-08-27 09:45 subject. fic pointer &c. security. Public

It's morning. I should be at work. Instead I'm still lazing about at home, because I don't want to head into work. I'd much rather go visit my cousin, who got institutionalised in the mental wing of a hospital yesterday.

... Yep, this is the great news this week, following my mom's (now official) joblessness last week and my getting to know I wouldn't be able to attend university this year the week before. *facepalm*

Anyway. I posted random PWP ficlet last night:


go ahead, be gone with it
Kingsley/Remus, NC-17, ~1,100 words
Kingsley's appeal is difficult to resist.


Yeah, fic! After I've barely written anything this past month. Whee!


Also, let me please point you at a couple things:

snapelike is having a Severus-centric fest, the Large Cauldron Collider Ficlet Fest. Still many characters open!

oxoniensis and pheebs1 are having a Fall Fandom Free-For-All. I haven't seen any HP requests there yet and would love to, so check it out!

Over and out.

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date. 2008-08-25 07:36 subject. things i maybe should have done AGES ago, LOL security. Public

( immediate to-do-list )

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date. 2008-08-24 01:44 subject. random RL, and stuff security. Public

Tonight I went to see The Dark Knight with liquorice_wheel, which was great and intense, but also very confusing, LOL. What can I say, I've never been invested in Batman at all besides watching the cartoon series as a kid, and let me tell you, my recollections from the time are vague at best. So, I was a little confused half the time, but it was still great fun. Also? Joker totally is my new Bellatrix muse. I might end up writing my femgenficathon fic after all!

( 'the way home and its WTF', aka my angst )

Now I'm going to go back to playing Roller Coaster Tycoon, heh.

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date. 2008-08-21 20:06 subject. oh my, it doesn't stop there, does it? security. Public

Ahaha, okay, um, I'm feeling better than I did after I got word of the result of my uni applications: that is, I'm not thinking about my mother's joblessness and how it might interfere with my own plans. So that's good.

What's the icing on the cake for the last few weeks of desaster is the fact that I bit myself in the cheek, and this bite is now nicely inflamed and pus-filled, which tires the hell out of me. I'm barely useable for anything; I simply ignore the kids because I can't concentrate; and it hurts like a bitch and robs me of my muse. GRRR.

I'm wracking my brain for positive news (I'm snickering while writing this update and rolling my eyes at myself), but I think the only thing that remains to be said is this:

I love you muchly, dearest flist. ♥ ♥ ♥

30 roads talked about | talk about a road | add to memories | Tell a Friend | link

date. 2008-08-20 19:54 subject. ah fuck security. Public

So, it looks like my mother might be jobless come September. Which means all the plans I've been toying with? Are pretty much shot to hell.

Anxiety attacks, here I come. Long time no see :/

15 roads talked about | talk about a road | add to memories | Tell a Friend | link

date. 2008-08-18 21:06 subject. if you wanna get out alive/run for your life... security. Public music. Three Days Grace [Get Out Alive]

I don't think I remember a day from the past three weeks at work that hasn't been exhausting.

Seriously, kids, why do you never get exhausted???

They're loud, they're obnoxious, they're impertinent, and they're uncontrolled. Half the time I want to go ahead and kill them.

Granted, half the time, especially when I'm alone with one-three of them, I realise how rewarding it is to work with them, because they're not bitter yet. They do not intend to hurt. And they're so grateful when you actually listen to them and speak to them and handle them like you're equals. They're fun; they offer great and unbiased opinions and views and are still free to offer them up for discussion. (One of them, a highly intelligent nine-year-old boy who subsequently isn't the easiest to handle, especially since I think he doesn't get the support he needs at home, said: "If I were a woman, I would not want to marry. It'd mean staying home and cooking and taking care of the household and of the children and stuff." To explain this: he comes from an Arabian background, and as far as I can tell a lot of the (rather poor) families from where I work have a very traditional picture of family.) They react to the way you act - within their limits of course - and as such are so relieving to be around. Life seems simple for them. I find their innocence so endearing - not in the "oh so cute!!!" kind of way but as in I really appreciate it and wish things could be easier, see? Which is probably normal, but whatever. What I only ever notice is that I'm much more free around the kids, something I've never achieved around other adults.

But GOD am I going to be happy when summer vacation is over. Especially since maybe that means a return of the muse...

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date. 2008-08-17 00:08 subject. fic pointer! first DD fic! security. Public

And because it's just past midnight, have a second post - I just posted my first daily_deviant fic, whee!


One of Us
Fenrir/Remus. NC-17. 1,550 words. Warns for non-con - see pairing, y'know?
Fenrir pays a visit to one of his long-lost children.

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date. 2008-08-16 23:12 subject. brittle, brittle... security. Public

My internet went out for most of the day, which sucks. Majorly. I'm going to have to visit my aunt and uncle and little cousins tomorrow, and for the two-hour-train-ride to and fro I need porn. Which I can't print out if I have no internet connection.

But now I have it back, so all's good. *wipes brow*

I'm seeing all the What exchange am I gonna do??? *wibble* posts of y'all, and my resolve to not participate in any is seriously wavering. I'm honestly half-considering snapelyholidays and smutty_claus... ARGH. I NEED TO BE STRONG.

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date. 2008-08-15 01:40 subject. ahaha WIN security. Public

Tonight I actually wanted to attend a meeting of Berlin's English society, which meets in beer gardens and stuff and cultivates the English language and what-not. I wanted to see whether that group of people was anything for me... but sadly I had no one to go with me.

So liquorice_wheel took me to a concert tonight - experimental electronical music. It was a lot of fun. And half the attending people spoke English anyway, so the two of us were joking around I actually got my English night, heh.

And what happens on my way home? Some random South African guy says something to me, and we strike up a conversation that lasted almost an hour. At past midnight, LOL. We very quickly drifted from German to English, and I might call him up to meet him for some sightseeing stuff. Not sure as to that, 'cause, random guy, but we'll see.

I totally got my English night. *thrives on the high of being allowed to talk English*

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date. 2008-08-13 22:02 subject. think positive security. Public

Okay, seems like I'm beginning to develop a new plan: I'm going to see if I've any chance to get a simple internship in some other country, preferably an English-speaking country or at a company that uses a lot of English (or, y'know, German), for the duration of a couple months or longer, and that maybe at least pays me enough to cover a fraction of my expenses for room, food, phone etc.

Let's see if this will be successful, because sadly I have no connections whatsoever anymore. This is going to be interesting... But at least it's something, so there. Whee!

4 roads talked about | talk about a road | add to memories | Tell a Friend | link

date. 2008-08-12 19:58 subject. semi-hiatus. or something. ETA: PROMPT ME! security. Public

So. I'm kinda absent lately, aren't I. Well. It's mostly that I don't quite know what to say right about now; I could go on and on about how I'm all anxious and panicky and how work sucks and RL in general sucks and writer's block sucks.

But I don't want to.

So I'm mostly not around so much, because... Well. There's nothing semi-constructive to say.


ETA: In an attempt to get back into writing, I'm gonna ask you all for prompts! Harry Potter, Supernatural and CW RPS, any character/pairing. I'm not promising anything - at all or quality-wise and suchlike - but yeah. Get at it? :)

ETA 2 (for my record): I'm trying to put together an SPN meet-up for Berlin here.

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date. 2008-08-08 17:29 subject. aw, this sucks security. Public tags. rl, uni

Don't have much time (as seems usual this week), but I'm just popping in to say that the university of my choice just sent me a declination. And I don't have much of a chance to get into the others so... I seem pretty fucked right now.

:(

To counteract the giant sadface I have going right now I'm going to get myself a new cell phone. And maybe watch Buffy with a friend. And get drunk. Gotta do something happy-making today, right?

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date. 2008-08-03 20:01 subject. if just i could... security. Public tags. dreams, rl

I'm currently barking up the emo tree. *eyeroll at self*

Most of it is my current desire to be anywhere but in Berlin. Or rather, I want to be in another country, though I'd happily still be in Berlin if there was another language around me. Preferably English. What can I say, I just adore that language.

This is not enough reason to be emo? I agree. But what can you do? *long-suffering sigh*

I was on a touristy boat trip on the Spree today, which was beautiful. And I do love my hometown so much. I just... want the increased anonymity, I guess. And the feeling that I'm actually doing something as opposed to not moving at all, like I've done the past, oh, almost two years now. I mean, this guilt trip thing isn't exactly new to me, but can I be done with this already? I'm fed up with feeling like this.

Yes, angry and emo. Brilliant. BLAH.

WANT. OUT OF THE. COUNTRY. NAOOO.

At least university stuff should begin to come in in two weeks or so. Hopefully they want me this year, 'cause if they don't? I've no idea what I'll be doing then.

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date. 2008-08-01 21:02 subject. (no subject) security. Public tags. children, job, rl, writing

I'm exhausted.

Too many kids around me this week, which meant I had to go shopping to balance the eye-roll sarcasm and frustration they were causing, heh. On the first day, within two hours of being with the kids, I was asked about the colour of my underwear and whether I shaved my armpits. By a nine-year-old.

At least I had the day off today, which meant some lazing about. I'm trying to catch up on all the unanswered correspondence this weekend as well as get some damned fic writing in - I haven't written anything in two weeks, which is probably the longest time since... Oh, September? Whee.

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date. 2008-07-28 00:44 subject. home sweet home security. Public tags. england, rl

... though I can't say I'm happy to be back from London. Switching back to talking/thinking German is just plain weird, and I'd actually just made peace with all the people and cars and the few green areas there! :(

imma and snapelike, my mother was not dead after all! Hope your return journey is safe. ♥

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date. 2008-07-26 20:33 subject. London security. Public tags. england, fandom

So I didn't actually update over the week.

snupin_meeting is over by now, and it was so much fun! I met amazing people, got dubbed both a puppy and a German pornstar, and just generally reveled and geeked out about the fact of having fandom people around me. And when I had alcohol in my blood, I actually talked. Amazing, isn't it!?

Yesterday I toured London a bit, or at least as much as I could manage with the cold I've been fighting since last week. Which still amounted to 3.5hrs of walking (from Victoria over Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey and Horse Guards to the Embankment), and then collapsing onto a sightseeing boat trip thing down the Thames from Westminster to Tower Bridge and back again.

Today I met up with melusinahp and kennahijja and... someone else in Oxford. W00t, I suck at getting names. Moar fun was had with lots of darkfic discussion thrown in. I didn't actually catch much of the town because of serious bouts of tiredness, so went home earlier than I wanted to. The fun fact? The London-Oxford coach I was taking actually had internet access on board \o/

Tomorrow it's lazing about and then it's back home already, with work (15 unbehaved kids!) waiting for me. So looking forward to that *eyeroll*

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date. 2008-07-21 18:56 subject. London! security. Public tags. england, snupin meeting

So, I'm sitting in a hotel room with snapelike and imma and totally geeking out about that fact. Eeeeh! There's been serious discussion of various matters, and not so serious discussion of various matters, and so far it's amazing. Are you all jealous already? *g*

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date. 2008-07-20 21:52 subject. fic pointer security. Public tags. computer-related, conferences, england, fic pointer, writing

So, I'm all packed, and my mother seems to think I'm making a mistake of epic proportions by bringing my laptop to London. She does not seem to have realised the extent of my addiction. No matter. LAPPI IS COMING WITH ME.

And to celebrate my leaving, which does not mean I'm going to be silent: have fic!

Brightest Flames
Remus/Severus. R. ~2,750 words. Warnings include: *mental illness, questionable consent/abuse, they-didn't-die-AU*
Years after the war Severus is found wandering the woods, his mental faculties shaken. Remus takes him in.


I seem to be writing rather large amounts of Snupin lately, don't I? Seems like I'm becoming a true 'shipper with many, many guilty pleasures after all. Huh.

I guess I should try to squeeze in some more writing before I leave... The RPS Monster Fic That Wouldn't Die (aka the summer-fling!AU) is at 20K and counting, and I'm expecting it to clock in at around... 32K or so, which would be four times as long as my longest fic to date. OMG WAH. Deadline for the final draft? August 20. Which is a month away. *swallows*

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date. 2008-07-19 22:34 subject. asdhj MY MUSE, I TELL YOU security. Public tags. conferences, writing

So, I'm preparing my darkfic roundtable for the snupin_meeting, and I'm thinking about certain scenarios I'd love to see used in fic and/or to explore what I don't necessarily see as dark. What can I say, I'm a purist when it comes to this.

At any rate, do you want to know how many plotbunnies I've given myself? For really nicely dark Snupin? YES. TWO. For now. WTF. Muse, SHUT UP. DON'T WANT. I already have fic planned until early next year, and there's more than enough Snupin, too. In fact, I'm counting five Snupins in various stages of progress.

BAH.

*goes back to brainstorming/sorting notes*

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