the german pornstar

I'm currently barking up the emo tree. *eyeroll at self*

Most of it is my current desire to be anywhere but in Berlin. Or rather, I want to be in another country, though I'd happily still be in Berlin if there was another language around me. Preferably English. What can I say, I just adore that language.

This is not enough reason to be emo? I agree. But what can you do? *long-suffering sigh*

I was on a touristy boat trip on the Spree today, which was beautiful. And I do love my hometown so much. I just... want the increased anonymity, I guess. And the feeling that I'm actually doing something as opposed to not moving at all, like I've done the past, oh, almost two years now. I mean, this guilt trip thing isn't exactly new to me, but can I be done with this already? I'm fed up with feeling like this.

Yes, angry and emo. Brilliant. BLAH.

WANT. OUT OF THE. COUNTRY. NAOOO.

At least university stuff should begin to come in in two weeks or so. Hopefully they want me this year, 'cause if they don't? I've no idea what I'll be doing then.

Apparently I'm having an identity crisis?

My dreams last night included this gem:


I was in London, at Curzon Hostel at Curzon Court Road, and I went to university somewhere thereabouts - being an exchange student from Germany. I was also a gay man who had unprotected sex without lube (man, that burned!), with Draco. I think he was angry with me and therefore decided to stake his claim on me or something. I'm not sure if maybe I was Harry - and dreaming of Harry/Draco, which is one of the few pairings I absolutely under no circumstance read, um, okay? - but anyway, this unprotected sex without lube made me late for university.

All the way through lectures I kept squirming because I could still feel Draco inside of me, and everyone threw me glances like they absolutely knew what had happened.


o_O OKAY. Seriously body, WTF? *rolls eyes at self*

This is to say, I'm feeling better. Apparently good fandom things + trying to set up a sleeping pattern + looking forward to the Snupin Meeting instead of looking backwards at the past are doing wonders. Also, writing = YAY!


ETA: There are two guys sitting beside me, surfing the internet (I luckily thought to bring my laptop with me), and they're looking at pictures. It seems they're rating the females after their appearance???

( WTF brain, WTF. Dreamin' about Jensen Ackles!? )

I wish my brain would focus on reality for once. I'm not complaining about the dream, but, y'know, some RL action wouldn't come amiss...

ALSO, the DVD of the third season of due South just arrived at my flat. HAPPINESS. HEAVEN. *goes to watch*