I'm exhausted.

Too many kids around me this week, which meant I had to go shopping to balance the eye-roll sarcasm and frustration they were causing, heh. On the first day, within two hours of being with the kids, I was asked about the colour of my underwear and whether I shaved my armpits. By a nine-year-old.

At least I had the day off today, which meant some lazing about. I'm trying to catch up on all the unanswered correspondence this weekend as well as get some damned fic writing in - I haven't written anything in two weeks, which is probably the longest time since... Oh, September? Whee.

So, I'm all packed, and my mother seems to think I'm making a mistake of epic proportions by bringing my laptop to London. She does not seem to have realised the extent of my addiction. No matter. LAPPI IS COMING WITH ME.

And to celebrate my leaving, which does not mean I'm going to be silent: have fic!

Brightest Flames
Remus/Severus. R. ~2,750 words. Warnings include: *mental illness, questionable consent/abuse, they-didn't-die-AU*
Years after the war Severus is found wandering the woods, his mental faculties shaken. Remus takes him in.


I seem to be writing rather large amounts of Snupin lately, don't I? Seems like I'm becoming a true 'shipper with many, many guilty pleasures after all. Huh.

I guess I should try to squeeze in some more writing before I leave... The RPS Monster Fic That Wouldn't Die (aka the summer-fling!AU) is at 20K and counting, and I'm expecting it to clock in at around... 32K or so, which would be four times as long as my longest fic to date. OMG WAH. Deadline for the final draft? August 20. Which is a month away. *swallows*

So, I'm preparing my darkfic roundtable for the snupin_meeting, and I'm thinking about certain scenarios I'd love to see used in fic and/or to explore what I don't necessarily see as dark. What can I say, I'm a purist when it comes to this.

At any rate, do you want to know how many plotbunnies I've given myself? For really nicely dark Snupin? YES. TWO. For now. WTF. Muse, SHUT UP. DON'T WANT. I already have fic planned until early next year, and there's more than enough Snupin, too. In fact, I'm counting five Snupins in various stages of progress.

BAH.

*goes back to brainstorming/sorting notes*

A numbered list.

1. LONDON!!! The snupin_meeting! Lots of awesome people! July 21-27. Emails have gone out regarding this. If you were waiting for one.

2. SLEEP! I've spent like, a gazillion hours sleeping. And it's done wonders for my lack of optimism and enthusiasm. YAY PEOPLE! YAY GETTING UP! YAY DOING THINGS! When did I last feel like this, I ask you?

3. PAIN! My wrist hurts like a bitch. I guess writing roughly 24K in two weeks kind of overstressed it. Which doesn't mean I'm gonna stop writing, because...

4. DEADLINES! Lookit! *tears hair out*

5. FINANCES! They're all clear now for London, finally, OMFG. Caused much anxiety on this side.

6. PEOPLE! I LOVE PEOPLE! IF I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU SO IN RECENT TIME, I'M TELLING YOU NOW! ♥

7. TALK! There's been much sex talk going on at work, which, fun. Also, one of my colleagues has been talking to me about her committing adultery, and her affairs, and stuff. Which, weird, but also, inspiration. Heh.

8. lupin_snape's Fantasy Fest!!! CLAIMING IS NOW UNDERWAY. God, I fail for almost missing this important tidbit of information.

This post is brought to you by the letters S, H and M. I will now return you to your scheduled gloom seriousness.

*throws temper tantrum* Why is Google Docs down? Why? I opened one of my fics, but now I can't save what I've written!!! Argh!

Also, I think I'm planned out with what I want to write until, oh, March 2009 or some such. Harhar fun times. LOL MUSE *raises eyebrow at her*

In other words, I'm feeling good and optimistic and I want people around me. So come talk to me! Tell me what has been moving you those past days. What has been happening that you want to share the glee/happiness/anger/sadness/anything-in-between about? Fandom, RL and otherwise - I want to hear it.

AHAHAHA. *laughs hysterically*

I WROTE 10,000 WORDS OVER THE COURSE OF THE LAST FOUR DAYS. Well, three days really, because yesterday I was so out of it due to sickness I basically slept for thirty hours straight.

BUT DUDE. 10,000 WORDS, AND THEY HAVEN'T EVEN HAD SEX YET. I've maybe written a third of the story, if I'm good.

My longest posted fic to date has a word count of 8,200 words. And it was HP, NOT A FREAKING RPS AU FIC!!! I've not even any experience to speak of in this fandom aside from reading a solid 3+ million words over the course of the last six or seven months. (I'm not even exaggerating; I'm keeping a list, and every once in a while I go count the amount of words I have listed. WAH.)

YES YOU'RE READING ALL OF THAT RIGHT. I'M SCARING MYSELF HERE. AS YOU CAN SEE FROM MY ABUSE OF CAPSLOCK. I'VE NEVER HAD A FIC WRITE ITSELF. I've written 3,000 words today and I want to do more still, just as it was the other two days I worked on this. WTF???

I am very conveniently sick with angina and have to stay home until Friday. My head is clear *knocks on wood*, it's just that my throat hurts like a bitch.

...Writing time! :D



Tonight is the semi final between Turkey and Germany. I'm really curious as to how that's going to pan out - I don't doubt that we'll win, but how are the fans of both teams going to react?

My bet on the final: Germany-Spain, and I'm actually not sure who could win. (sorry, shiny_crystal!)



I want to reach the 7,000 words on the fic I'm working on today - just another 3,329 words! *headdesk*

3,671 / 7,000 (52.4%)

It's time I made a decision.

I'm going to give up participating in exchanges for this year. That means: no


hp_toujours

SIGN UPS begin June 22 - July 12
ASSIGNMENTS DUE October 4

More information [ here ].


No snupin_santa. No smutty_claus. No snapelyholidays. No other exchanges that might look tempting. I'm not sure I'll even manage femgenficathon, as no suitable plotbunny has come up yet. Challenges will be considered on a case-by-case basis, so I'm not going to say YAY or NAY to them just yet - I know a few will come up this year that I'd be sorely tempted by.

( Why this decision on cutting back on exchanges? (aka, if you wanted to know what kind of fic I'm working on...) )

At any rate, I might do some pinch-hitting, if the mood strikes me and I've actually managed to finished some of those projects. I don't think I'll have all of them posted when the new year rolls 'round, but I can dream, right?

I just wanted to say this in a public post so that if I so much as flirt with an exchange, hopefully someone will remember this and strike me unconscious. Or something.

hp_rarities has had its reveal. I wrote a pinch-hit for opheliet:

Inebriation
Lily/Sirius (main), Regulus/Sirius. NC-17. ~4,300 words.
Lily would hesitate to call Sirius Black her first love. She would call him her first, most magnificent fuck, maybe, or her first experimentation, but if it came down to it she would deny any sort of emotional attachment.
Pay attention to the heavy adultery warning!


Soccer/football. Quarter final yesterday:

Germany : Portugal
 3 : 2

Who would have thought??? I totally didn't!

After the match, all of Berlin was a huge party zone, partying, singing, drunk fans clogging the streets, blocking traffic and public transportation. It was... amazing. Our victory in Monday against Austria, a meagre 1:0, had been very disappointing, so to see us return in this manner and win against Portugal was... god. Just great.

[ETA: Just watched Croatia-Turkey, and holy cow, we're up against Turkey? Fucking hell. I'm scared of what'll happen on Wednesday at the semi final! Berlin has a huge Turkish community, so... Eep.]


Work: is making me unhappy. I don't like our four new people at all. I feel like they're looking down on me because I'm only 19, and sadly they aren't people of intelligence; that I feel kinda superior makes me feel bad, but I can't help it. They say stuff about things that are a) ignorant and b), in response, make me defensive about my own beliefs. I don't think they see me as someone who can actually have a somewhat informed conversation about any topic of importance, and that makes me both furious and self-conscious. Bah.


To-do for the weekend:

• go through the spn_j2_bigbang fic (of 66K!) I've been sent to work on
  
• Snupin fic: write ~1.5K; find beta
  
• Wordlessly (aka the SPN fic o' doom): post-beta edit #1 of part the first; bring up overall word count to 8.5K (+ ~2K)
  
• riding!AU (Snupin): edit; bring up overall word count to 7K
  
• J2 AU Summer Love Challenge: write plot outline

Plans for the weekend include: watching the other three quarter finals and going to the Fête de la Musique, one of the greatest music festivals happening all over Berlin. Which essentially means half of my weekend cannot be spent working on write-y things. :(

Man, re-writing a story from second person POV into third person POV is a bitch. Is it my fault it sounds better in second person - or that it's ghosting around in my head as second person? *sigh* But it needed to be done, and since I haven't written anything in quite some time (read: 10 days or so), I'm thinking editing is the right thing to get back into the groove.

ALSO! hp_wankfest reveals tomorrow! EEEEH! *is excited*

On a Euro 2008 related note: Yes, Germany lost against Croatia. 1:2. Who would have thought? *is deeply dissatisfied*

*goes back to half-silence*

There's a new awesome asylum, hp_unfaithful, with a, you guessed it, infidelity theme. I have a couple of fics I'd like to finish to celebrate this kink of mine, but other projects want to be written, too, so I let you decide which will be my priority! *is lazy*

Poll #1880
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

What fic should I work on?

The Charlie/Remus/Tonks and the Remus/Severus/Tonks have heavy infidelity themes. The two Snupins are rather plotty (for me) as opposed to character-driven.

Of course I'll keep working on my SPN fic o' doom, but I'll try to adhere to the results of this poll. Whee!

A small thing written to alleviate some stress:


Morning After
Severus/Sirius. PG-13. ~1,700 words. AU - Sirius didn't die.
Five scenarios of a Morning After. The one thing they have in common: Sirius wakes up to Severus' elbow between two ribs, which is less than ideal.


Still waiting on three reveals - I'm very impatient to show off two of those fics.

*goes back to uni applications*


ETA: Er, WTF. See, I'm meticulous about how much I write and stuff (I keep track of that), and today I noticed that over the course of the last five months I wrote as much as during all of 2007. Ahaha LMAO. 77K and counting, which may not be a lot for some people, but it is for me!

My least favourite part of the writing process from being bitten by a bunny until posting the final result?

The "post-beta edit", hands down, especially when I have to dissect a story and put it together again. Even more so when my beta points out the awkward things that I thought might be awkward, but didn't know how to resolve during the pre-beta edit - therefore hoping it wouldn't be visible to anyone else. >.>


My most favourite part?

Figuring out the timeline. I don't do it a lot, to be honest, but whenever I do it's such a seriously fun thing, I could do nothing else for hours. Okay, so it can be hell (like with Obey, which, upon looking over a similar timeline, I think is maybe not logical after all), but it's a fun hell! :o


I should remember this more often. *nods firmly*

The good thing about being at work when all the kids are on break?

I can take my laptop with me and write. I've already managed 1,000 words. WIN.

The bad thing?

It's fucking tiring. NOTHING TO DO except trying to concentrate. That's kinda difficult if you're, y'know, tired.

Now I'm preparing to head home, and I'm sure I'm going to fall into bed for an hour or two. But I can't bring myself to care since I've already written some of the Supernatural fic that's ghosting around in my brain. Deadline of June 8, I'm going to fucking PWN you! *g*

I'm looking for one, better two betas for my:


- hp_rarities pinch-hit: het set during the first war. More information will only be distributed via email to ensure anonymity :)

- Darkside of Lupin/Snape fic: 1,100 words of possibly non-sensical... zombie fic.


My biggest problem is certainly sentence structure (y'know, that has something to do with not being a native), but I'd like help beyond that, too - characterisation, structure, flow, continuity. And in the latter case, sense-making.

Anyone who might be interested? Email is envinyatar15@yahoo.de. I can reciprocate, if you want.

WAH SUDDENLY FANDOM IS ALL ACTIVE AGAIN AND THERE ARE FESTS AND OMG I'M SO BEHIND ON EVERYTHING AND I AM. SO. NOT. MOTIVATED.

At least I have Thursday and Friday off from work, though I don't think any catching up is going to happen.

To-Do for May:
- hp_rarities pinch-hit
- Dark Side of Snape/Lupin fic(s) - one is written, two more bunnies run around in my brain
- j2_spn_100days fic #1
- miscellany that should have been finished ages ago: riding!Snupin, the threesome fic, the other Weasleycest fic
- beta!?
- write up beta request post
- write up list and organisation-like stuff for seekrit projekt

That should cover it for now. At least May is fairly quiet at work... :)

I'm editing a fic I need to sent off to beta. My favourite typo:

he robbed his cock...

Heh.

Fandom: I've written stuff, but my one regular beta is busy. I've talked to her and we've decided I should probably see whether I can get one or two more regular beta readers. I'm going to have to put up a post about that at hp_betas or something, but in case anyone around here has a desire to do beta work? OMG PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME about details and possible reciprocation and stuff. My email: envinyatar15@yahoo.de

RL: I spent most of the weekend with that friend of mine who has major issues, and I've talked to her a lot about where she's going to go now that things are this bad. It's been... well, stressful, but I'm glad I can be there for her. And I'm glad she trusts me enough to turn to me with these major issues she has. Last night she and her mother were over to dinner, and she ATE until her hunger had abated for the first time in weeks. She only weighs 42kg now :(

That's pretty much my life right now, heh. I can't wait for May! Right at the beginning I have a free long weekend! Can't wait to actually sleep, OMG, after getting up at 3.15AM on Saturday. That wasn't so great...

A list, just because.

- spring has finally arrived! o_O YAY! IT IS WARM. THE SUN IS SHINING. THERE IS NO CLOUD VISIBLE IN THE SKY.
- the cold is almost defeated. MORE YAY!
- with this victory, my muse has returned full-force. I was assaulted by three different plotbunnies for the Dark Side of Snupin challenge that's coming in May when before I had a very vague one. I've even finished the erotic_elves fic. EVEN MORE YAY.
- I was shopping after work today. Or rather, I was looking at clothes. And shoes. And stuff. I even found some things I liked (a dress! I haven't had an actual summer dress in years!), though I need to see how much money my mother needs from me before I decide whether I can actually buy anything. BOO FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, BOO.
- I need to clean the flat. I actually want to clean the flat. Er. *knocks at self's head* Jules, is that you in there? Have you been temporarily taken over by... someone else? Anyone else?
- have begun reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods. The end of chapter 1, which I read last night, made me go vey, very o_O er wtf huh? Heh. I was very amused by my own reaction. And of course by that scene, too.

In conclusion:

YAY SPRING!

Evidently the snarry_games started yesterday. I guess I'll be able to keep up the first week, and after that... Well. I currently have 50 fic tabs open in my Firefox, only two of which are from the Games. *facepalm*

Still sick, though I'm more annoyed at my immune system than actually feeling sick. At least Peppo, my horse, was amazing today, and actually riding him (as bad a decision as it might have been for my cold) was the highlight of the weekend. YAY for the small things :/

April hasn't been a very good month for me, health-wise and consequently fic-wise. I've sent in my hp_wankfest and I did write my hpdesmutathon which will be sent in as soon as I have it back from my beta, but aside from that? I'm working on another erotic_elves fic which I don't know I'll finish in time to post it for the current challenge. I've lost momentum on the riding!Snupin AU when I got food-poisoned at the beginning of the month, and it's difficult to get back into it. I guess I need to revise the 6K I have so far to get back in the groove, but editing is the part of writing I hate the most, so, meh. I have a lot of half-finished fic lying around that is nudging at my brain, but nothing that really excites me right about now. I'll blame that on the pressure on my forehead.

I'm also trying to think about what I could write for the Dark Side of Snupin challenge that's going to be live on lupin_snape in May. I have a vague kind of plotbunny that would surely be fun, but... as I said before. I don't know. I think I'm hitting a writing low or something where I need to stay away for a couple weeks. Except I evidently can't! It's too much fun :/ I'd been thinking about doing pervy_werewolf's LMoM this year, but that will definitely not happen. Instead I'll lean back and watch y'all struggle with coming up with fics and artses for all 31 days of May :P

*contradicts self repeatedly*

/whiny post of whinedom