the german pornstar

A numbered list.

1. LONDON!!! The snupin_meeting! Lots of awesome people! July 21-27. Emails have gone out regarding this. If you were waiting for one.

2. SLEEP! I've spent like, a gazillion hours sleeping. And it's done wonders for my lack of optimism and enthusiasm. YAY PEOPLE! YAY GETTING UP! YAY DOING THINGS! When did I last feel like this, I ask you?

3. PAIN! My wrist hurts like a bitch. I guess writing roughly 24K in two weeks kind of overstressed it. Which doesn't mean I'm gonna stop writing, because...

4. DEADLINES! Lookit! *tears hair out*

5. FINANCES! They're all clear now for London, finally, OMFG. Caused much anxiety on this side.

6. PEOPLE! I LOVE PEOPLE! IF I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU SO IN RECENT TIME, I'M TELLING YOU NOW! ♥

7. TALK! There's been much sex talk going on at work, which, fun. Also, one of my colleagues has been talking to me about her committing adultery, and her affairs, and stuff. Which, weird, but also, inspiration. Heh.

8. lupin_snape's Fantasy Fest!!! CLAIMING IS NOW UNDERWAY. God, I fail for almost missing this important tidbit of information.

This post is brought to you by the letters S, H and M. I will now return you to your scheduled gloom seriousness.

Apparently I'm having an identity crisis?

My dreams last night included this gem:


I was in London, at Curzon Hostel at Curzon Court Road, and I went to university somewhere thereabouts - being an exchange student from Germany. I was also a gay man who had unprotected sex without lube (man, that burned!), with Draco. I think he was angry with me and therefore decided to stake his claim on me or something. I'm not sure if maybe I was Harry - and dreaming of Harry/Draco, which is one of the few pairings I absolutely under no circumstance read, um, okay? - but anyway, this unprotected sex without lube made me late for university.

All the way through lectures I kept squirming because I could still feel Draco inside of me, and everyone threw me glances like they absolutely knew what had happened.


o_O OKAY. Seriously body, WTF? *rolls eyes at self*

This is to say, I'm feeling better. Apparently good fandom things + trying to set up a sleeping pattern + looking forward to the Snupin Meeting instead of looking backwards at the past are doing wonders. Also, writing = YAY!


ETA: There are two guys sitting beside me, surfing the internet (I luckily thought to bring my laptop with me), and they're looking at pictures. It seems they're rating the females after their appearance???

So, since Sunday night I've been dreaming shit - not-quite-nightmares, like takes out of my life that never quite made it onto screen - and those dreams leave me all weirded out the next morning and for the rest of the day. On the one hand - it's good, because I'm the most creative when I've slept three-five hours; with not enough sleep to be be all sleepy again and not as little sleep as to feel overwhelmed by my tiredness.

On the other hand? I haven't slept at all this night and I'm preparing to head in to work. Nor have I really slept since Sunday - it's all been this dream-like state, not-quite-awake and not-quite-asleep, when sentences and scenes run through my head continuously and I can't ignore them for fear of losing this perfect wording that just flashed in front of my eyes.

I miss sleeping. I really, really do. But I also know that until I'm tired enough to crash I won't sleep fitfully again, and that? Is a scary thought.

What makes me happy:

Being done with the wizard_love monster (disclaimer: I'm not saying it is, wordcount-wise. Just that it owned my brain for way too long) that had me frustrated for weeks. Not that it's sent in yet, but at least it's in beta stage. I lose at exchanges. :/

What makes me sigh:

Thinking that "Whee I can attack my next deadline fic," and then being attacked by a vicious plotbunny of d00m instead. Um. Weasleycest? WTF brain, WTF?

I am now sitting at work pretending to work. On a homepage, which generally is fun, but, y'know, it's Monday morning and I had to get up at 2AM and write down what I knew about the Weasleycest bunny. Otherwise it wouldn't let me sleep. I'm fucking tired.

( WTF brain, WTF. Dreamin' about Jensen Ackles!? )

I wish my brain would focus on reality for once. I'm not complaining about the dream, but, y'know, some RL action wouldn't come amiss...

ALSO, the DVD of the third season of due South just arrived at my flat. HAPPINESS. HEAVEN. *goes to watch*